The reason why I am still single…

Long day after work, got online, seen one of my boys into old school beats*.

I know it’s sad, but ill look up sumn on wiki, then see how many links I can click on to get to another topic. Say I could google “Charlie Chaplin wiki”. Get onto wiki and see how I can bring that around to Pi (3.14). So as I read about Chaplin, I could see a link that I think could get me closer to my goal (pi)** etc, etc, etc…

I hit up my boy, so we started a new game, but it’s played on youtube (and IM)
First time we did it we started at Kenny Rogers’s song the gambler, object was to see who would get to A Tribe Called Quests song "Scenario" first.

I went thru the version of Kenny Rodgers “gambler” got to his song “Aint No Sunshine” , Stings "Aint no sunshine", Bill Withers "Aint No Sunshine", DMX "Aint No Sunshine"… was trying to work to A Tribe Called Quest.

I lost! Words of wisdom I got from my dude…

E-Jey says (9:51 PM):
Those booty shakers will have hip-hop in there somewhere
E-Jey says (9:52 PM):
from hip hop just find an artist that will link you to the right place
E-Jey says (9:52 PM):
I started from missy
E-Jey says (9:53 PM):
Then Busta, then got you all in check
E-Jey says (9:54 PM):
then tribe
E-Jey says (9:54 PM):
and it was there”


Moral of the story is, there is no moral…but its fun! ****



Any1 wana challenge me??



* I don’t really like the guy, but he is one of my best friends cus our older brothers where best friends, and so we both grew up on that old school hip hop
** between me and u (well both of u) I have a fascination with 3.14 right now- odd- considering I am not into math’s***
*** If i was a serious blogger id be writing about circles etc, maybe another lifetime.
**** Well also black people like booty

Deep Thought

A close friend asked me to reconsider what I am doing with my life, who I talk to, how I spend my time, and really take the time and reevaluate my life…(apparently I keep on complaining)

I thought id take that concept a step further, in high school I was inspired by a concept from the Society of Jesus, I learnt in high school ( I went to a Jesuit Mission School*).. Where at the end of each night Jesuit Priests, reflect on the day that has just passed.
A personal reflection, where one can consider the thoughts that go through ones head. In interactions and situations faced throughout the day. How one thinks in certain situations and how one may have reacted to whatever stimuli they may have encountered throughout the day. The mistakes one has made, the things one did right, etc, and how one may use this knowledge in the days to come… To help make one a better person! It is in essence similar to how Muslims "strive for perfection"

I am not sure if I am doing it quite right! At the end of the night in reflection, here is a typical sample of the things that go through my head, during the day…

“I bought a big box of chocolates, a week or two ago, for some reason there are no Twix candy bars, left!”… (Later in the day)… “Why is my apartment filled with Twix wrappers???”


“Dammit another salad is tormenting me”... (a little later)…”Why does my fridge smell??”

“Maybe I should have taken a shower last week”… (A little later)…. “Why am I still single?”

Maybe one day I will figure this whole life thing out...**




* For all intensive purposes it really was/is
** Or just read the Hitch Hikers guide to the galaxy

A star is born

I think its time, to take my villainy to the next level.

Somehow sneaking more than 11 items into express lanes at the supermarket isn’t doing it for me anymore. As devious as that is, I don’t think, it will get me remembered.

After some thought. I have come up with a 2-point action plan*:

1. Fire Tendai as my hype man, engineer, and consultant.
2. Lie

Steven Colbert coined the term “truthiness”; History is what we make it (depending on who won, or which “truth” appeals more to you/us)

If it’s on Wikipedia then it must be true…

By the time u finish reading this (if u can see this entry), according to Wikipedia.
Eating Tuna will be a sign of worshiping the Big Tuna... the hole in Pandaves door will not be really there… Oprah eats Tuna everyday… New York state law will allow the stealing of beer glasses… Okra will be illegal in 52 states, Singapore, and Hatfield!
Hillary stopped eating Tuna (thus the loss)... the tomatonation will be a recognized state… And in a statement by the surgeon general the nutritional value of Sierra Nevada, will be acknowledged and recommended that the American work force have one or two before work, and have one at half hour intervals every Tu's day (Thursday, Monday, wedensday, Friday), and at 15 minutes intervals for those that have to work weekends!**


* Anything past 3 will confuse my readers***
**This is not to imply the practice is not currently being employed by individuals who appreciate the grandness of Sierra Nevada
*** Ironically, there are only Tu****
**** One of which, wont let me see their blog!

The Emperors New Blog.. Post

I could not for the life of me figure out, why the below post, was not visible…

Then I remembered that it is actually invisible to anyone who lacks intelligence…

Hmmm….

Actually now that I think about this maybe, be the reason why I have been hearing complaints about lack of blog post entries….

Hmm….

Ohh Pinky

Pinky: Hey, here’s a quote for you

"there;s one good thing about music: when it hits, you feel no pain" - bob marley

Tunga: i disagree

Pinky: i do

Tunga: music for me, can be harmful

Pinky: really?

Tunga: yeah

cus it speaks to u

no?

Pinky: it does... but i find it doesn't make me hurt. it echoes my own pain but doesn't create more

Tunga: i guess

but it can also amplify ur emotions

Pinky: true

Tunga: cherish the day

wont go astray

breathe again, breathe again....

Pinky: my shoulder hurts

Tunga: what song is that?

u listen to weird music!

New Roomate…

The problem with living by yourself, Is that without roommates one may forget to do certain things, like say pay electricity bills, or cable bills…*

After being inspired by a close friend… I have decided I am going to have an imaginary friend/roommate. At some point, the line about the lights being off, because I feel its more romantic is going to stop working.

At least now, when I walk into the apartment with a friend I can be like “Dammit, I gave this guy money to pay the bills and he still hasn’t, I hate that guy!”

Show how irresponsible, he is leaving MY clothes on the floor** show how he eats all my food, Never buys any food, leaves my fridge empty, but somehow always manages to keep it packed with nothing but beer, beer, beer, and even more beer. How he visits and bookmarks dubious websites on my computer. Leaves dirty dishes in the kitchen, empty beer cans in the bathroom, living room, kitchen, windowsill and pantry***

And just for kicks, I figured id call the guy Tendai****

I see so much potential… When I go out for Dinner, and suddenly cant find, my credit cards, I will recall how I had my wallet last night, left it in the living room, when I got home, and the only person, who has been home is…..*****

* This is not to imply that I am currently sitting home alone in the dark, stealing internet access from my neighbors wifi, wondering how much longer the battery power on my computer is gona last me while frantically trying to come up with an excuse for delaying the impending arrival of some mates from work, who are coming to watch TV

**Yes pinky just like the bright lime green shirt.

***SO truth be told it’s a studio/loft thingy going on, there is no room for a cutting board in the kitchen let alone a pantry. But I felt I needed to put in one more “and”, so pantry

Was the next best thing

****This way, when I say ohh he was at the club, 3 weeks ago (and there Is always gona be a Tendai who was at the club three weeks ago), it just makes my story sound more believable. When she says which Tendai was that, ill act all offended and be like, hw come u don’t remember my friends.

***** Come come now pinky, its not rocket science

Cool like that…

I have come to the conclusion that my apartment…actually likes being messy..

Spent the whole of yesterday cleaning, and today it is all messed up. I think it just likes being messy. I am not one for confrontation, so I wont mess* with it.

Then again…. Maybe it just wants me to stay single

* No pun intended

Stress

Having trouble getting my super villainy taken seriously…

2 sumn in the morning. I am hungry, have cans of Tuna in my cabinet, can’t eat it.

Working with some elderly gentleman, at work… What’s ur name he asks “Tunga” I reply… “Oh Tuna” he says, tired and impatient “yes” I reply…

Turns out everyone was listening, Big Tuna they call me now…

Been three months, I have tried flipping it to the newbie’s….“ Yeah Tuna… you knw, Dophins, like free Willy, ‘big Tuna’, get it get it get it?”…

Has not worked, I hate it.

I cannot eat Tuna, without someone saying something. Someone goes to subway walks in and says, “Hey Tuna... guess what I got”.

Initially my first order of business, as ruler supreme was going to be to outlaw Lite beers, but now I think it will be to ban Tuna.

so.... yeah....

So many adventures, so much to say so lil space*…

I remember back at supervillian school, when they told us that if u have nothing to say, trying to rig an election, or if your stories are not good (maybe even a lil depressing), jus suppress knowledge of what’s going on to the general public.

I mean the blog itself is pretty wack, only 2 people read the thing, and when I think of a cool concept… like say, how when the water in my overpriced apartment building was out for a day (which has never happened b4), couldn’t shower (so didn’t), went to work and people thought I smelt better**.

But anyway not every1 gets it………

* Many believe my blog is taking up a painful amount of cyberspace.

** This is not to confirm that I only use deodorant, when the water in my building is unavailable

Hmmm....

Wondering if I can get away with staying at home tomorrow, cus Zimbabweans are having a stay away.

Just another manic monday.

Was considering going out (St Patty’s) thought bout dressing up in green, taking some pictures, etc…..

Then remembered I am not on Facebook*.

What’s the point?*

Figured Ill just stay at home, drink solo, get to work with the usual hangover, except it will be justifiable, ill claim I went out on a saint patty’s binge somewhere in the village.

I have it all planned out. And for my Wednesday hangover, ill use the excuse that it was my boy’s birthday party (had to drink all night), and once again, the pics WOULD be on facebook, but alas…. (I was kicked off)..

Ladies gentlemen I just made drinking at home, getting drunk, and going to work with a hangover cool!!!**

* I mean what is the point of going out, if ur not gna get tagged in any photos????

** I mean what did people do before there was a Facebook, to get kicked off of??

ohh cruel world

2 days, no Facebook.

Got kicked off without warning, from what I think is allegations of my spamming. I see what this is… Its Obama and Oprah, hitting back for my Hillary support*.

I dunno, I am just sitting here, looking at a blank screen, the feeling is like nothing else, it’s like being expelled from ZDECO college, Or denied entrance into Jobs night spot, for not getting dressed up well enough.

The internet is now suddenly a ridiculous waste of time and space. No one to stalk***.

I am considering cancelling my whole internet connection.

* Little do they know no one actually reads my blog**.

** Okay no intelligent people.

*** Damn u Oprah!

hmm....

So officially been one week, living solo.

Somehow, I am just hemorrhaging a ridiculous amount of cash…

Who knew that all those small things in an apartment like furniture and stuff, actually costs money! Microwaves, rice cookers, bottle openers... who knew I had to pay for these things??

Have been digging into the savings account a lot the last couple of days., But its okay, I have been rationalizing the expense. Now that I have publicly denounced my wooing of Oprah*, I am sure she is going to come to her senses (get rid of the restraining order) and come running back any minute now**…

Until then, I shall continue to spend and spend... Spices…Knives… Mops… coffee tables… Soap***

* And my new intrest in Hillary!

** Seriously what does Obama have over me???

*** This is to not imply that I had previously been unaccustomed to the use of soap****

**** Contrary to popular belief.

Looking at my facebook profile I realized I have a blog*.

Hmm...

Been a while, actually not even that 4 posts all year and we are in March…. (Ru, would not be proud).

So…

Truth be told, been struggling to post an entry, mostly because I have been trying to find a nice way to tell the world I have a girlfriend without causing embarrassment to her.

Issues that have come up while attempting to post an entry...

1: The blog itself is really really bad**,

2: I’m ashamed to mention to her that I own this thing*** (I tell her that, it belongs to some other person who by some freak occurrence has the same name, and get this same last name, and we both like Hillary (only if she wins)… and recently both started disliking Oprah/Harpo or whatever the hell she calls herself these days … Star wars... and Starbucks).

4 I would not wan't my name assosciated with this blog.****

3. Only ediots find the blog amusing, or remotely funny*****

* Come on, would u own up to this nonsensical nonsense??

** Sha to both of you that are still checking out my log religiously… Get a life

*** Also the claim that I have 2 readers at this point seems pretty far-fetched (actually, any reader, at all seems pretty far fetched).****

**** Actually I am accepting monetary compensation from individuals, whose names do not want to be documented as having had read this awful awful disgusting waste of internet space…. I’m charging, bottles of alcohol, So Chipo, Tatenda, Tendai, Tawanda, Lovemore, Givemore, and Forex, yaal better pay up!

***** He He He…

so....

Anther year, another ash Wednesday that just sort of snuck up on me. Hopefully not another 40 days and 40 nights where I fail to commit to some sort of sacrifice.

This year initially I chose to give up drinking over lent, which quickly changed to drinking in the mornings, then to before 5 pm. Then to just binge drinking during the week. After very little thought decided giving up alcohol would be both impractical and detrimental to all the families of bartenders I support (single handedly I might add).

Since I have saved myself, I thought id drink a lil lil tonight, somewhere a long the line decided to give up meat, then laughed really hard.

Been troubled lately.

Oprah knows I planned to take over the world, sometime this month, then she had to go out there and Endorse Obama. Here I was thinking me and her had a thing going on…

But I see what happened, it’s not about Obama, Its all about ME and her just playing hard to get!*. I mean what has Obama got that I aint got??

Have had enough decided to go ahead and start wooing Hillary through 2008*. What's Bill Got that I aint got?

* That and all my un replied emails, phone calls, and retraining order

So I have some salad in my fridge*…

Surprisingly I am the one that bought it, I open the fridge when I go looking for beer. The salad looks at me I look at the salad. Damn thing was bought this time last year (resolution time).

It's jus been looking at me through 2007, and I look back. Hopefully it will just leave one day**

* Initially I had written “a salad”, had to change that, figured someone might think I was talking bout one of my friends.

** Along with all the bills I refused to pay last year

Two circles????

Two thousand and eight…. A lot of symmetry, even numbers. Hopefully there will be not so much confusion this year….

Admittedly Seven is my favorite number, wondering if Tu Thousand and Eight could possibly be any better than Tu…007???? I doubt it. Hopefully, I can duplicate (symmetry) and make it better. Being a Libra (balance), I have a feeling this year will be defining… Well maybe not that, but at least build from the strength of last year….

Circles on top of each other (8...balance); I am excited about the new year, sad to leave the last.

legend

Was never big into stealing shot glasses, so far I have 3, and a glass that has a New York Knicks Logo on it, and to cap it all off….

My Good friend, stole a pitcher of beer for me today!!! Not only did she manage to smuggle out the pitcher but did so with beer still inside it.*.

In short, I have accomplished more so far this year, than i did the whole of the last!

* I would like to note that this was the only way they could get me to leave the bar…..