New Roomate…

The problem with living by yourself, Is that without roommates one may forget to do certain things, like say pay electricity bills, or cable bills…*

After being inspired by a close friend… I have decided I am going to have an imaginary friend/roommate. At some point, the line about the lights being off, because I feel its more romantic is going to stop working.

At least now, when I walk into the apartment with a friend I can be like “Dammit, I gave this guy money to pay the bills and he still hasn’t, I hate that guy!”

Show how irresponsible, he is leaving MY clothes on the floor** show how he eats all my food, Never buys any food, leaves my fridge empty, but somehow always manages to keep it packed with nothing but beer, beer, beer, and even more beer. How he visits and bookmarks dubious websites on my computer. Leaves dirty dishes in the kitchen, empty beer cans in the bathroom, living room, kitchen, windowsill and pantry***

And just for kicks, I figured id call the guy Tendai****

I see so much potential… When I go out for Dinner, and suddenly cant find, my credit cards, I will recall how I had my wallet last night, left it in the living room, when I got home, and the only person, who has been home is…..*****

* This is not to imply that I am currently sitting home alone in the dark, stealing internet access from my neighbors wifi, wondering how much longer the battery power on my computer is gona last me while frantically trying to come up with an excuse for delaying the impending arrival of some mates from work, who are coming to watch TV

**Yes pinky just like the bright lime green shirt.

***SO truth be told it’s a studio/loft thingy going on, there is no room for a cutting board in the kitchen let alone a pantry. But I felt I needed to put in one more “and”, so pantry

Was the next best thing

****This way, when I say ohh he was at the club, 3 weeks ago (and there Is always gona be a Tendai who was at the club three weeks ago), it just makes my story sound more believable. When she says which Tendai was that, ill act all offended and be like, hw come u don’t remember my friends.

***** Come come now pinky, its not rocket science

Cool like that…

I have come to the conclusion that my apartment…actually likes being messy..

Spent the whole of yesterday cleaning, and today it is all messed up. I think it just likes being messy. I am not one for confrontation, so I wont mess* with it.

Then again…. Maybe it just wants me to stay single

* No pun intended

Stress

Having trouble getting my super villainy taken seriously…

2 sumn in the morning. I am hungry, have cans of Tuna in my cabinet, can’t eat it.

Working with some elderly gentleman, at work… What’s ur name he asks “Tunga” I reply… “Oh Tuna” he says, tired and impatient “yes” I reply…

Turns out everyone was listening, Big Tuna they call me now…

Been three months, I have tried flipping it to the newbie’s….“ Yeah Tuna… you knw, Dophins, like free Willy, ‘big Tuna’, get it get it get it?”…

Has not worked, I hate it.

I cannot eat Tuna, without someone saying something. Someone goes to subway walks in and says, “Hey Tuna... guess what I got”.

Initially my first order of business, as ruler supreme was going to be to outlaw Lite beers, but now I think it will be to ban Tuna.

so.... yeah....

So many adventures, so much to say so lil space*…

I remember back at supervillian school, when they told us that if u have nothing to say, trying to rig an election, or if your stories are not good (maybe even a lil depressing), jus suppress knowledge of what’s going on to the general public.

I mean the blog itself is pretty wack, only 2 people read the thing, and when I think of a cool concept… like say, how when the water in my overpriced apartment building was out for a day (which has never happened b4), couldn’t shower (so didn’t), went to work and people thought I smelt better**.

But anyway not every1 gets it………

* Many believe my blog is taking up a painful amount of cyberspace.

** This is not to confirm that I only use deodorant, when the water in my building is unavailable

Hmmm....

Wondering if I can get away with staying at home tomorrow, cus Zimbabweans are having a stay away.

Just another manic monday.

Was considering going out (St Patty’s) thought bout dressing up in green, taking some pictures, etc…..

Then remembered I am not on Facebook*.

What’s the point?*

Figured Ill just stay at home, drink solo, get to work with the usual hangover, except it will be justifiable, ill claim I went out on a saint patty’s binge somewhere in the village.

I have it all planned out. And for my Wednesday hangover, ill use the excuse that it was my boy’s birthday party (had to drink all night), and once again, the pics WOULD be on facebook, but alas…. (I was kicked off)..

Ladies gentlemen I just made drinking at home, getting drunk, and going to work with a hangover cool!!!**

* I mean what is the point of going out, if ur not gna get tagged in any photos????

** I mean what did people do before there was a Facebook, to get kicked off of??

ohh cruel world

2 days, no Facebook.

Got kicked off without warning, from what I think is allegations of my spamming. I see what this is… Its Obama and Oprah, hitting back for my Hillary support*.

I dunno, I am just sitting here, looking at a blank screen, the feeling is like nothing else, it’s like being expelled from ZDECO college, Or denied entrance into Jobs night spot, for not getting dressed up well enough.

The internet is now suddenly a ridiculous waste of time and space. No one to stalk***.

I am considering cancelling my whole internet connection.

* Little do they know no one actually reads my blog**.

** Okay no intelligent people.

*** Damn u Oprah!